Kix's Power 5: Condiments

Everything in this world is a competition. If you disagree you're a loser who hates winning. Sports, food, work, everything we do is a competition. But with all this competition comes judgement, and that's where Kix comes in. Kix's Power 5 is gonna be ranking, analyzing, and breaking down the top 5 of any category. The first subject at hand is a tough one. I was talking to this chick I work with the other day while I was eating a ham and cheese sangy, As I was applying my mayo, naturally, she looked at me and goes "ew that's gross, I hate condiments". I responded grow up mayo is delicious, but I understand cause a lotta weirdos don't like mayo. Then she goes no, I don't like any condiments. WHAT?! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN YOU DON"T LIKE CONDIMENTS??? I couldn't believe my ears. I was perplexed! How can you just generalize all condiments together? They're all so delicious and critical in their own way. So because of this I now present the first of many Kix's Power 5: Condiments. Also, this is not up for debate this is all factual. ON TO THE RANKINGS

Honorable Mention: Salad Dressing

Wasn't really sure if dressing was considered a condiment, kinda thought it was it's own category, so I'ma leave it as an HM. Absolutely critical though, people who don;t use salad dressing aren't real. Just a fake life person move.

5. Barbecue Sauce

Need a little kick? Maybe a little tangy zing to spice up the palette, but don't wanna get the upper lip sweat from Tabasco sauce? BBQ sauce is here for you. Just spices up any meal in a perfect way by mixing a nice sweet and spicy kick. Goes great on any grillable and is a must have from MDW to LDW. However other than grillables and za, BBQ sauce is overlooked. That lack of diversity is gonna hold it up at the 5 spot.

4. Ketchup

The ultimate condiment. When one thinks of condiments, one's mind goes straight to ketchup. But like BBQ sauce, it doesn't cover all the bases like some condiments do. Grillables, potatoe based foods, steak if you're 11, and that's about it. Becuase of it's notoriety it jumps ahead of BBQ sauce, but again the lack of diversity holds it to the 4 spot. Quick side note my cousin used to eat cheese and ketchup sandwiches. Savage move/extremely little kid move. Also, what;s the deal with ketsup?

3. Honey Mustard

Absolutely scrumcious. Honey mustard is so dope. A perfect mix of sweet and whatever flavor mustard is. Absolute go to on an sandwich, as well as burgers, dogs, chicken, and pretty much any meat. Chicken salad, pepper jack, lettuce, onions, honey mustard on a wrap was my go to at Berk, and it never disappointed. If you take anything away from this blog, the chicken salad-honey mustard dynamic is spectacular. Also doubles as salad dressing, huge point to honey mustard.

2. Sour Cream

BY FAR the most underrated condiment of all time. People forget how delicious sour cream is. Legit heaven. I don't even know what it is but it tastes so damn good in my mouth. I order meals at restaurants just so I can eat sour cream. Baked potatoes, tacos, quesadillas, nachos, pretty much anything Mexican I order strictly to guzzle the sour cream. and before you hop on me for bashing BBQ and ketchup for a lack of diversity, "Oh Kix you can only eat sour cream

with a limited amount of foods" OH CONTRARE! Sour cream is fantastic on burgers, sandwiches, chips, pretty much anything. Got a burger over the summer on the Vineyard and tossed some sour cream on it, life changing. Just so, so underrated.

1. Mayonnaise

The absolute GOAT. If you don't like mayo you are not to be trusted. It's time to grow up Peter Pan. This sin't middle school lunch anymore, mayo is cool and delicious. Goes great on ANY cold cut sandwich, as well as a way too slept on burger topping. Mayo on burgers is so underutilized, absolute must. Cold mayo is great, but when you get a hot burger, or a toasty sub and it warms the mayo up just a pinch, oh man you're in for a treat. Team mayo of gtfo. GOAT. Also, mayo from sub shops is so much better than from grocery stores. No idea why but it always is.

Also, also ranch is super overrated. Yeah it goes with everything, the king of diversity, but is incredibly average on everything. Average = no power 5. No love for ranch.

Also, also, also just googled pics for condiments and saw one with syrup. Is syrup a condiment?? It must be. A sweet condiment i suppose! Slide syrup in there in the 2 1/2 spot!