Last Nights Debate Was a Snooze Fest

Lotta hype going into last night's debate. First of three debates featuring The Donald and Hildaddy with projections of close to 100 million people tuning in to watch. Those are Super Bowl numbers son! 90 minutes, no commercials, on all major news networks. Everything was shaping up to be must watch TV based off the past debates from these two. I was all juiced up to see Trump be animated and maniacal and for Hildaddy to do whatever she does. But after all the hype, it ended up just being an absolute snooze fest. The biggest storyline outta it was Trump's sniffles. The sniffles! That's it! After 90 minutes of back and forth the biggest thing people took away was wondering whether The Donald was getting murked by ragweed like ya boy is right now or if he did a little pre-game nose candy. Hopefully it was the latter cause that would be hilarious. There just wasn't anything really worth noting last night. I mean yeah if you actually know things about how life works and real world issues than it might have been pretty informative and useful, but for someone like me who was tuned in strictly for the entertainment purpose, it was a major league bummer.

I needed The Donald to be way more obnoxious and bully everybody like he usually does. Also needed him to call stick to his guns and refer to Hildaddy as his patented "Crooked Hilary". That's how he got to where he is, by being ridiculous he can't stop now! I didn't watch any of the Democratic debates so I don't know much about Hildaddy but she's just straight up scary. Her smile is as creepy as it gets and every time they panned out and showed the view from behind it looked like her head was the size of her torso. She was also wearing a red potato sack, can't have that. Lester Holt did a pretty good job according to the experts so I'll agree with them because what do I know. Wish he was wearing Rec Specs though.

Luckily I'm here to make some changes to the Debates, if it was up to me the debate would look more like this:

Pipe the crowd up. The fact that they had a no cheering rule going on last night was BANANALAND! You NEED the crowd to be going wild at these debates. This is 100% why The Donald was off his game, the guys like me, feeds of the crowds energy. Need to sell booze to the fans as well. A dead crowd = a dead Donald. PIPE IT UP!

New moderator. Listen Lester held his own last night sure, but that doesn't put butts in the seats. Pizzazz puts people in the seats. Need a guy like Steve Harvey or Guy Fieri to host. Electric factory.

Walk out music. Just a no brainer here. Walk out music should be way more common in everything in life, especially big events like this. This would also be a great way to decide who to vote for. If someone came out to like Nickleback or the New Boyz they would instantly lock up my vote. Smoke and a light show would also help.

Push Up contest. Pretty self explanatory. Need to know how many push ups my president can do.

More questions about non-political things. 90 minutes straight of politics is super boring, confusing, and just doesn't attract the average viewer. I don't care about emails or walls I need to know Hildaddy's stance on TSwift, I need to know if The Donald prefers his sandwiches toasted or cold, I need to know if Lester wears underwear to the beach. That's how you figure out who can lead this country.

Have each candidate recite the National Anthem. Also pretty basic, if they forget the words they're probably not suited to become president. Feel like we'd be surprised by The Donald's voice.

Allow each candidate a chair of choice. 1. Because standing for 90 minutes straight is insanity and legit torture. This is legit the number one reason why I'll never run for office. Standing straight up for and hour and a half is my nightmare. Put the candidates in their chair of choice, everyone knows you're at your best when you're most comfortable. 2. Like the walk up song, the chair each candidate chooses is critical. If someone chooses anything other than a LAZBoy or a couch they are not to be trusted. Fact.

More smiles. All in all just a little too serious for Captain Fun. I need my president to be able to crack a smile every now and then. Also need some jokes here and there like a half roast half debate.

Would love to see some of these ideas put into place by the White House or whoever puts these events on. I'm a firm believer that whoever gets elected isn't gonna affect my day to day life that drastically so I'm here strictly for the entertainment, it's about time we have some fun.