The Top 10 Most Successful Bald Men

If you have listened to any of the Keno Radio podcasts over the last 18 months or so you have probably heard that I am 22 years young and severely balding, or follically challenged as I prefer. Now if we're gonna be honest with each other its not that easy. I am the subject to ridicule and the butt end of many jokes. But the worst part of it is I was and am a HUGE hair guy. I always had long hair growing up and respect nothing more than some raging lettuce. So for me not to have any hair is killer, seeing guys with full, luscious heads of hair keeping it high and tight infuriates me. LET THE MANE BREATHE BROTHA! So with all this in mind I decided to do a little research and see if I have any hope in being a successful bald man in a world full of beautiful hair. So without further ado, I bring you the top 10 most successful bald men:

Disclaimer: I realize all the guys are white, I'm not racist it's just black people look normal bald and a lot of black men go bald as a hair style. Why LeBron doesn't just shave it and stop pretending he has hair is beyond me. Dude your black you're allowed to be bald. Also, the Rock was the highest paid actor again for like the 3rd straight year, he should probably be number 1 but I wasn't sure if he was black or white but regardless he rocks the hell out of being bald so he doesn't count.

Honorable mentions

Larry David & Jimmy Buffett

A couplea legends who are both the best at their crafts and encapsulate (SAT word) everything we preach here at Keno Radio, however they both established their careers and became successful while they had hair. Once you hit 50 you're supposed to be bald so as much as I want these guys to be 1 & 2, the best I can do is give em an honorable mention.

10. Howie Mandel

Howie Mandel, comedian, actor, and most notably the host of the hit game show Deal or No Deal. Any time you gotta be in front of a camera looking like Mr. Clean you're at a disadvantage, but Howie was the face of one of the most famous game shows for years and people loved him despite his baldness. However, Howie can't be any higher than 10 because he is one of those weirdos who's afraid of germs. Literally one of my biggest pet peeves, people who think about germs ever. Grow up.

9. Cole Swindell

My boy Cole Swindell is one of the sneakiest bald guys out there. Dude literally wears his Georgia Southern ball cap everywhere he goes and is very rarely seen letting his head grab some vitamin D. But he didn't sneak past me. Now I've been high on Cole for a while now but I relaize he's just getting his wheels going when it comes to being a house hold name, so as bad as I wanna have him higher, just doesn't have the recognition yet. Wouldn't be surprised if he's number one in a few years.

8. Ryan Getzlaf

Captain Quack has had a tough break since emerging on to the scene as a big time rookie. Getzlaf came in guns blazing with a full head of hair and some frosty tips, but has had a gradual decline ever since. In my opinion Getzlaf is a top 5 player in the league so I want to have him higher, but he is notorious for being butthurt about going bald. Just look up his headshots from when he got to the league til now. Started off all smiles and as soon as he went bald he became a grump. Wasn't til last years pic that he finally cracked a smile. Cheer up Ryan you can't be good at everything.

7. Rob Corddry

I'll admit I got a little bias here cause my boy Rob Corddry is a UMass alum, but with his breakout role in Ballers, I stand by my decision. Guy is hilarious in every role he plays. As the detective in Harold & Kumar 2 he is laugh out loud and not to mention he's fantastic in What Happens in Vegas (Kix top 5 movie) along side a fully headed Ashton Kutcher. Not easy to deliver that kind of performance when you're working with that kind of beauty. However not being a lead in a big time movie makes it tough for my fellow Minuteman to crack the top 5.

6. Trent Dilfer

Jk Trent Dilfer is a BUM! But I do gotta credit him with the phrase "Dilfer Dime" I use that at least twice a day. But still a bum.

6. Dustin Pedroia

The Muddy Chicken, PEDROIA THA DESTROYA, The Laser Show. There was no way I was leaving a man with this many nicknames off the top 10. In order to get so many nicknames you have to be nice at something. And Pedroia is niceeee at running a little 2 bag. Couplea gold gloves, couplea silver sluggers, couplea world series rings, my man DP has a very decorated career, all while doing it with no fur on the dome. However his occupation allows him to wear a hat at all times so he can hide it. For that reason, the best he can do is the bottom 5.

5. Vin Diesel

An absolute man's man. Vin Diesel is one of the very few who makes being bald look cool. I mean he's a horrible actor and has no hair yet has managed to build one of the highest grossing movie franchises of all time. Not to mention he had to do most of those films with the uber handsome Paul Walker (RIP in peace). Not easy, but he is huge so that knocks him down a few spots. If you're yoked you're allowed to be bald. Science.

4. Kenny Chesney

The GOAT. Kenny's another sneaky bald man, rarely seen without his cowboy hat on. A rare moment of baldness was this picture above from the Come Over music video. Love to see it, Kenny wanted to feel a little vulnerable so he showed off the old dome. Savvy move that I would only expect from a top 5 bald man. Climbing country charts for 20 years is never easy, but doing it with out a luscious head of hair is nearly impossible. Kenny defied the odds. GOAT.

3. Dr. Phil

Just a personal favorite right here. I grew up on Dr. Phil, coming home every day to my mom watching this beautiful bald man give life's best advice. Just like Howie, Dr. Phil has made a career out of being in front of a camera. The only way to make this work with no hair is to actually be good at what you do. Anybody can be on TV with a full head of hair but it takes a truly great talent to be able to give America life advice for years while being folically challenged. Thanks Dr. Phil. Also, once heard Phil isn't even technically a doctor. If so he shoots up to number 1, ultimate snake it til you make it move, respect the hell outta that.

2. Andre Agassi

Andre Agassi burst onto the tennis scene in the late 80s as a teenage phenom with a crazy mullet. After winning 2 slams by 1993, everything was going his way and Andre was on pace to become one of the all time greats. But genetics stepped in his way. The signature Andre Agassi mullet was quickly fading into oblivion and his hairline parted like the red sea. Now for most people this would be a career ruining moment. His hair was his signature, without the mully he had no mojo. But Andre being the savage he is (read his biography Open, dude is a SAVAGE) kept on trucking and didn't let his lack of hair stop him. Agassi went on to win 6 more slams post balding, a feat only a top 3 bald man could achieve.

1. Scott Van Pelt

In a field of work where image and beauty is everything, Scott Van Pelt has flipped the script. He has broken all the barriers to become the most famous sportscaster on the planet. Look is legit everything when it comes down to being a news or sports anchor. You gotta have that "look" in order to be successful. Not so fast! SVP not only made it as a bald man, but he has created a brand for himself because of it. He now goes up against the heavy hitters of late night TV hosting his own show. Guys like Jimmy Kimmel, Conan, Stephen Colbert, all immaculate heads of air, but my man SVP hold his own. It's honestly one of the most impressive things of all time being as bald as he is and being on TV all the time. Yeah he took his talents to the radio for a few years, but he also recorded that show for TV as well. He never hid it, and he wore it proud. and that is why Scott Van Pelt is the most successful bald man of all time.